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Relationships

The relationship with your partner can get tricky when drugs are involved – and the same goes for dating if you’re single and on the scene.

Double trouble

If you’ve got a boyfriend and you’re both out partying, it can help if you look out for each other during the good and the bad times. Having a partner can make it easier to stick to curfews, keep drug dosage and timings in check – and you can help each other through the comedown.

But it can also add a lot of stress and strain to your relationship and make it easier for things to get out of control, especially if there is an imbalance where one person wants to do more or go on for longer.

If you’re having sex with other guys too, it can be difficult to negotiate boundaries and keep jealousy in check when you’re wired.

Tips

1. Advance planning

Sit down and have a talk about how often you want to do drugs and how you will take them. Whether it’s planning a messy weekend or some time away, try to make choices you’re both happy with and stick to them. It will be much easier making these choices sober, rather then trying to deal with things escalating when you’re both drunk or high.

2. Keep the balance

Even if you feel happy with your drug use together, make sure to spend time together sober or doing other things.

What might be OK now might not be OK in the future. If anything starts to change, it will be much easier for you to keep a steer on things if you’re talking and spending time together when you’re not trashed.

3. Build on your strengths

It’s likely that you’ll both find different aspects of drugs and sex easier to manage – whether that’s stopping on time, having a stronger resolve around when to avoid getting trashed or being more aware of when sex becomes a problem.

If one of you struggles with one of these areas, try to work out a way to make it easier for them.

If you find your drug use together is increasing quickly, it could be because you’re using it to cover up problems in your relationship. Taking a step back from drugs might give you some time to sort this out – it might be useful to talk to friends or a relationship counsellor too.

Desperately seeking…

If you’re looking for a boyfriend, being out trashed all weekend is going to make finding someone difficult. Yeah, you might meet tons of hot guys, have lots of sex and feel a connection – but as the drugs fade, so do the feelings.

Even if you meet someone you genuinely click with, the big comedown crash may mean you never get back in touch.

Establishing a genuine connection when you’re high is really difficult with so many mind-altering substances flying around your brain.

Think about what you want long term:

  • Do you want a boyfriend who you can fit in with your current lifestyle or do you ideally want to make some changes?
  • Do you want a boyfriend who doesn’t do drugs or who takes fewer?
  • Do you think you meet many guys like this at the moment?

If what you want from a relationship seems hard to reach at the moment, you may want to make some changes to your life first. Use our Life Check to see if there’s anything you want to change.

  • If you’ve met a guy you like when you’re high at the weekend, arrange to meet him on a ‘weekend off’ or during the week when you’re sober. It might be like starting again, but you’ll both get a better idea of how you really feel.
  • Go on some dates sober. Yeah it’s harder but you’re more likely to find someone that you really like – and who really likes you – if you’re both based in reality.

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Published: 22/07/2015
Next review: 22/07/2018